Eldorado
by Alcyone23
Summary: Kevin has an interesting tale.


**Eldorado**  
Alcyone

* * *

Anger was a comforting emotion. The wretched things disapproved of anything that was "negative"—anger, hatred, pain, despair. I aligned myself with them all. Despair was a fun emotion to throw at it. I loved causing it pain. My anger kept me alive. Hatred fed me.

I wasn't so sadistic before. Butwhen you're locked inside what was once your own head, certain adjustments have to be made if you want to live.

* * *

_Gaily bedight,  
A gallant knight,  
In sunshine and in shadow,  
Had journeyed long,  
Singing a song,  
In search of Eldorado._

* * *

It took a long time to notice that something was wrong. The creatures mimicked us perfectly. There was only one difference. When you flashed a light into their eyes, the pupils would reflect it in a dazzling array of silver light.

But since when do humans greet each other by flashing lights into each other's eyes?

Before I knew it, I was alone. Surrounded by millions of bodies, and utterly alone. I kept thinking of and discarding plans to get rid of the aliens. I tried catching them to see if I could get them out of the bodies. I learned that the creatures were silver worms that attached themselves to our brains. I tried to tear one out, but the thing destroyed the brain. Shredded it, actually. I couldn't help vomiting at the sight of the gory quagmire it had left behind. When I had a hold of myself again, I sliced the horrid thing to pieces, just as it had the fellow's brain. I stumbled away from the body, trembling and praying for the man. At least he was free of the alien's grasp.

* * *

_But he grew old -  
This knight so bold -  
And o'er his heart a shadow  
Fell as he found  
No spot of ground  
That looked like Eldorado._

* * *

I knew what would happen if I were to be caught. Those things would insert one of their own into me. It would have full control of my body. It would walk with legs that were once mine, breathe with lungs that were once mine, taste with a mouth that was once mine, touch others with the hands that were once mine. It would own me, take over me, _be_ me. And my mind would be erased, nothing left but the body that was once mine, now Its.

Nothing would remain of me.

* * *

_And, as his strength  
Failed him at length,  
He met a pilgrim shadow -  
"Shadow," said he,  
"Where can it be -  
This __land__ of __Eldorado__?"_

* * *

Nothing should have remained of me after I was caught. But I never did give up easily. I never faded; my mind was never erased. I lurked in the back of Its mind—_my_ mind—and slowly bided my time. I didn't want to let It know I was still alive.

Little things, though, escaped me. Like my name. I thought it was a mistake, but it proved to be my salvation, that little escaped information. With it, I tested the waters, judged how much control I still had. You cannot imagine my glee when It began to use my name! I had overridden Its desire for Its own name! _I _could control _It_! I almost alerted It to my presence in my happiness. But I was smarter than It. I carefully exercised my power. I could take over for short amounts of times. So, I practiced and waited.

They eventually learned about me; it was only a matter of time before they did. But I was smarter than all of them.

_I_ made It stumble. _I_ made it hold its arms—_my_ arms—back. _I_ allowed my body to break the fall with Its face—_my_ face. Then,_ I_ let It pick my body up._ I_ let It walk my body to a Healing Facility. _I_ let It believe It was in control again.

And then I let It do nothing anymore.

* * *

_"Over the mountains  
Of the Moon,  
Down the Valley of the Shadow,  
Ride, boldly ride,"  
The shade replied –_

* * *

All my carefully safeguarded strength, I threw at It. Oh, the thrill to have full control of my body again! To breathe deeply when I wished, blink when I wished, raise my arms when I wished and punch the one It had called a Healer until the warm human blood coated my knuckles. On her body, I found a scalpel. I picked it up and, as I saw my face reflected in it—and the glint of silver that was not mine in _my_ eye—a piece of a poem I had read years before came unbidden to my mind.

It had made no sense to me before, but I suddenly understood. Eldorado was what I sought. Eldorado was what I wanted. Eldorado was tearing the silver bug out of my head.

The blood ran hot as a womb down my back. The delicious pain was wonderful to me. I grinned as I felt it awakening, trying to reclaim control. I wouldn't let It win. Even if my brain was destroyed, even if I died, Eldorado was mine. My body was mine.

Freedom is mine.

* * *

_"If you seek for Eldorado."_


End file.
